I finally had some success. I bought another esp32s3 that more resembles the devkit with all pins from the chip accessible and not being used for other purposes.
All USB devices are software driven; some more than others. The esp32s3 is designed to implement a USB device. By default it implements a composite device of both a serial device and a JTAG interface.
The devkit version of the chip I purchased had a second console interface. By default it is independent and has nothing to do with uploading software to the chip or the JTAG. The virtual console can be configured to use either the real serial to usb chip or the virtual usb one. The are some situations where the virtual serial port can stop working so it can be good to use a dedicated serial to usb chip.
There are also some "efuses" that you can trip to permanently configure the chip to use alternative pins on the esp32s3 for jtag. But on the t-display-s3 those appear to be used by the display. So for the t-display-s3 you have the virtual serial port and jtag devices. Those are referred to as "builtin".
The builtin software device is a composite device that has two interfaces. More or less two devices in one. On Windows 10... can't speak for any other version... both devices are installed with the "usbser" (USB Serial) device driver. I have no idea why. You use the "Zadig" utility to more easily tell Windows to switch to using the WinUSB driver that you installed with tools. But you only do that with "interface 2". Leave "interface 0" set to the default "usbser". Once you have used Zadig and only on interface 2 be sure to disconnect and reconnect the usb cable. If you did it right the JTAG device will no longer be listed in the device manager under "ports" but rather will be listed under "universal serial bus devices". Hopefully you will now be able to connect with: openocd -f board/esp32s3-builtin.cfg
Hope this is correct and helps others.